Why can't they see it? Am I doing something wrong? I work my hardest everyday. Everyday I work so hard that its difficult to breath. I can barely stand. My feet bleed, my arms ache, even my eyes begin to close. But still, they never notice. Do I not look right? Is my leg too low? Its never me who gets the parts. Its never me who get s to stand in the front, and I'm the shortest. I should stand in the front! But its always the girl that stands next to me in the center, or the one who goes before me across the floor in grand allegro. Never me. I even jump higher than them in my entreche chats, and get my leg higher than them in my developes. I perform more. I even have better feet! But for some reason, none of that matters. I just want to know why I am not good enough for them. Why I am not recognized for the work I do. I put my mind, body, and soul into my ballet, but they still dont see that. I want to know why. I kill myself everyday. Day after day of killing myself, then waking up the next day to repeat my constant routine of killing myself. And for what? To be honest, I'm not quite sure yet. I just know that when I am dancing, it feels right. Even though I don't get the attention that I believe I deserve, I still feel okay when I'm dancing. It is only afterwards that I realize that I am not being seen. I guess one never knows why they do something they love. They just do. And I think that's the beauty of it all. So I work so hard that I want to fall apart right there on the cold, sticky marley floor to not get noticed at all. Doing what I love. Until one day, hopefully, someone will see how much I love doing what I do. How hard I work to achieve what I have. How hard I will work to catch someone, anyone's attention. After all, Love is supposed to be hard, isn't it? It is supposed to be hard, but in the end, if you love enough, everything works out. I hope the same works for ballet. And my dream.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Narrative 4
Why can't they see it? Am I doing something wrong? I work my hardest everyday. Everyday I work so hard that its difficult to breath. I can barely stand. My feet bleed, my arms ache, even my eyes begin to close. But still, they never notice. Do I not look right? Is my leg too low? Its never me who gets the parts. Its never me who get s to stand in the front, and I'm the shortest. I should stand in the front! But its always the girl that stands next to me in the center, or the one who goes before me across the floor in grand allegro. Never me. I even jump higher than them in my entreche chats, and get my leg higher than them in my developes. I perform more. I even have better feet! But for some reason, none of that matters. I just want to know why I am not good enough for them. Why I am not recognized for the work I do. I put my mind, body, and soul into my ballet, but they still dont see that. I want to know why. I kill myself everyday. Day after day of killing myself, then waking up the next day to repeat my constant routine of killing myself. And for what? To be honest, I'm not quite sure yet. I just know that when I am dancing, it feels right. Even though I don't get the attention that I believe I deserve, I still feel okay when I'm dancing. It is only afterwards that I realize that I am not being seen. I guess one never knows why they do something they love. They just do. And I think that's the beauty of it all. So I work so hard that I want to fall apart right there on the cold, sticky marley floor to not get noticed at all. Doing what I love. Until one day, hopefully, someone will see how much I love doing what I do. How hard I work to achieve what I have. How hard I will work to catch someone, anyone's attention. After all, Love is supposed to be hard, isn't it? It is supposed to be hard, but in the end, if you love enough, everything works out. I hope the same works for ballet. And my dream.
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